Over the weekend, I took time off social media for various reasons. Partly because I was tired of drama, tired of people trying to get me to "join their team", tired of seeing all the destruction in the world lately... but MAINLY because I wanted to focus on myself and my family. Focus on what truly matters to me.
Friday was awesome because we ate at our dinning room table as a family of 4 for the first time. I cooked a yummy dinner too. Saturday was the whirlwind that I wasn't prepared for. I knew it was going to be a special day (good or bad I didn't quite know yet lol) when I woke up at 6:30 am just cause. Shortly after I complained about it... Both my beautiful babies woke up. Hay in a super great mood, and Kay in not so good of a mood lol. I decided to make breakfast.
I put some cinnamon rolls in the oven, and Hay decided she wanted to "wake her daddy". So I took her in the room and she jumped up on the bed. Crawled up next to her daddy and said "daddy wake up! Wake up wakeup wakeup!!!". Gave him a huge hug that melted my heart and a big ole'kiss. He got up and decided he wanted ego's and grits to go with and made them.
After we ate (at the table together... it really melts my heart that we can and do do this now) I decided to take advantage of Kay sleeping and Hay being content, and I took myself, a cold coke, and some polish outside and sat on my hubby's truck to paint my nails in the gorgeous weather!! It was peaceful and helped clear my mind. Until I realized that it was 9:30 am and I forgot to cancel a "mommy&me" class hay and I was supposed to take.
I hoped off the truck {before my toenails were fully dry} and ran inside to get everything ready and head back out the door with my girl. She didn't know what we were doing... just that mommy had a special treat for her. On the way there we had a dance party in my car listening to the top 20 pop songs. {Our favorite is Katy Perry ' s Dark Horse}. When we got there we went to her suprise.
She was being extremely shy for some reason. She refused to jump on the trampoline at first, and then refused to let the guy teaching the class show her how to do the stations. Good thing I used to be a cheerleader lol. Then it was time for bars. She normally would just jump right up and be all excited to play on them. Not this time. She wouldn't let the teacher come near her so I had to spot her doing everything. Then we moved on to free play. That is when my girl opened up and let herself be FREE!!!
She was a champ on balance beam, and finally went and played on the trampoline. It was refreshing for me to watch her finally be her spunky self, and the teacher LOVED how outgoing he finally saw her be. She got to do whatever she wanted for 30 minutes and continued to impress this mamma! Then the class was over. She begged me to let her come back so I decided I was going to ask the front desk how much a month of classes were. {We had just taken our only free trial class}. What happened next is the part I was NOT prepared for at all.
{Backstory: when I was 12, I was on a cheerleading team that practiced at a gymnastics gym. I also went to school with some of the gymnast from the gym. One of them became a really good friend of mine. His name was RickDeci. Well, he passed away suddenly right after he turned 13 at the Olympic training center during a routine practice/friendly competition. His heart just stopped. I found out the next day when I got to school and let's just say... I took it HARD! I'm 25 and STILL take it hard. Him dieing and the effect it had on me is something I very rarely talk about because it still hurts today just as much as it did the day I found out.
Well, he was very special to probably thousands of people. At the gym the decorated a wall in memory of him. A few years later the gym moved.. and apparently the wall decor moved to.
Now here comes what I wasn't prepared for.....}
After I spoke with the lady, I turned to head out the door with Hay on my hip. And there it was... smaller than the original, but still honoring his bright smile and fire red hair. The image hit me like a ton of bricks... but what came next will stick with me forever. Hay asked me "mommy, who's that boy?" Mind you she is 2.5yrs old and wise beyond her years. Here is how the rest of the conversation went.
Me: well baby, that's Ricky Deci.
Hay: Did you know him mommy?
Me: Yes baby I did. I knew him very well.{trying to fight the tears from falling}
Hay: How did you know hims?
Me: well, mommy went to school with him a long time ago.
Hay: was he your friends? Did you like him?
Me: yes. He was one of my best friends and I liked him very very much.
Hay: mommy, what happened to him?
Me: {not knowing how to answer, and fighting back tears that were burning my eyes} well, he went away. He went to be friends with Jesus. You know Jesus right?
Hay: Oh, he went to be with jesus?? That's cool. Mommy are you sad? Don't cry mommy I'm still here for you.
And then at that moment... I knew that along time ago my mom was faced with having to try to explain WHY people go to live with jesus was not an easy task. How do I explain why I'm having tears run down my face in front of my child when all at the same time my heart was breaking and longing to hear my friend laugh again...at the exact moment I was in awe of how innocent she was and how smart she was and is. One day a long time from now.. I will be blessed with the privilege of telling my daughter's of all the loved ones I have lost who have impacted my life so much.
Yes, at the time of their deaths I was angry and didn't really understand why God took them home. But now I am starting to see the bigger picture. Ricky died at a very young age, but the amount of lives that kid changed we may never really know. But I do know, he always used to help me get over "mental blocks" and give me encouraging words when I needed them most. To this day I can't still hear him tell me " you can do anything. You are strong and stubborn. Your bright and beautiful. You have the best fan on your side.. Christ.. He will give you strength to get thru anything." I can still see his awesome smile and her his laugh from the last time I saw him before he went to the Olympic training center the next day. Little did I know that was going to be the last memory I would have with him. I will forever cherish him and I pray that one day I will be able to tell my girls about him and pass on all the encouragement he gave me to them.
I thank God that he let me have that moment with Hay. It was so unexpected but yet so worth not brushing it off for fear of the scars it would surface. It made me realize we take way to much for granted in this world today. My goal I have now set for myself is to not brush off opportunity to embrace my past even if it hurts a little. Please think about your life. Don't pass up opportunities like I had it will forever change you.
I'm starting to think I know what path god is trying to guide me down. I'm trying not to fight his gentle nudges down my road to an amazing journey. I don't want to loose myself again. I think I got as close to rock bottom as I ever want to be again. I pray he opens my heart and mind to what he has in store for me and my family.
Have a wonderful week and keep a look out for my birth stories. I feel the need to share and have a long loom at everything for myself to heal.
Enjoy&BeBlessed!,
-Courtny Price
